Saturday, April 23, 2011

constant battle

It would so awesome, if for once I could eat normal portions. To consume a decent meal without bingeing, or under eating would be a stepping stone for me. It is undoubtably hard to imagine myself as a normal being. I can't see myself not fretting over how many calories I'm going to eat, or how hungry I am because I have not eaten. This disease has literally taken over my entire life. The majority of the time I just what to give up on my life, and myself, but I know that is unacceptable. Despite how desolated I feel, and how gross I feel at this very moment because I just binged, and I am not purging again for the fourth time today, I will keep trying to recover from this no matter what.

So tonight, before I go to bed, I am going to say to myself what I always say: "Tomorrow is a new day". Pretty much meaning, I will start over fresh tomorrow, and attempt to eat (for the umpteenth time) 3 normal portioned meals. Even if this is false hope I am holding onto, it's still better than no hope at all.

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